What Did We Play Yesterday?

Crushed koroks: 1, and this time I wasn't messing around. I'm now back to what I enjoy most in Zelda: running in grassy fields, picking mushrooms, and accidentally blowing myself up. (And a secret fourth thing: running from Gloom. This playthrough I seem to be encountering Gloom much more often than I'm used to.)

I found Kakariko village, where armor prices are sadly demoralizing considering at any given time I'm carrying about 200 rupees, each of which is hard-won. The plan was to hike down to the giant fairy near Dueling Peaks and get some much-needed upgrades for my armor, however...

The game's design issues are starting to get to me. The sage controls are tucked away on the key items screen, when they could have easily been included on the wheel instead of the arbitrary duplicate map button. Another attempt to build a vehicle resulted in a pathetic mess so bad I didn't even take a screenshot for lulz and I spent an unreasonable amount of time in a shrine trying to hit a plank of wood with a huge-ass bouncy ball. An unfortunate number of tasks require lining items up with a certain level of precision, a process which is usually fiddly even with the goop anchors to help.

Here's one of those opinions I warned you about. The modern Zelda games contain a lot of unnecessary tedium that can only be explained as Nintendo Being Like That. Control and gameplay issues that would have been noted within 30 minutes of testing persist through two flagship games, indicating they are intended features, and terrible-design-choices-that-serve-no-purpose-but-to-annoy-the-player are part of the overall design strategy.

Anyway, I'm not saying I hate modern Nintendo but I hate modern Nintendo and pirating Nintendo games is always morally correct. Have a fantastic holiday everyone.

Spent some time vibing in the Inlaid Library in Vampire Survivors. I'm currently unlocking the Arcana cards, experimenting with cursed items like Torrona's Box, and focusing on leveling up. Crown+Pentagram and Attractorb has been essential.

Crushed koroks: 1. I 👏 am 👏 tired 👏 of 👏 snow. I found a few things in Hebra but I am OUT until I gain hearts and stamina. Hate you Hebra. Hate you bear. Hate you moose. Hate you giant ass Talos thing that killed me in one hit.

Koroks crushed: 1 apparently. I discovered a very cool mushroom cave. Then I decided I was going to actually "play the game" and "finish a main quest" or whatever. I kind of hated it, not gonna lie. The ark is undeniably cool and bouncing on the trampoline ships is fun, but getting up there was a major pain in the ass.

My insistence on scrounging for every possible arrow paid off, because I sure used a lot of them. I also used most of my stock of fire fruit before I realized you can actually dive into the weak spots on the boss's back, which is a lot more fun than trying to hit them with arrows and would have saved me a lot of trouble. As it was, I broke the last one that way.

Getting rid of the blizzard monster removes all the ice from the Hebra area, so I look forward to traipsing around refilling my fire fruit stock and discovering secrets. It also grants Link the ability to borrow the Rito kid's gust ability, which should help a lot when I need an extra little boost.

Crushed koroks: 3. Yesterday was extremely productive. Most importantly, I learned 2 new things. 1. If you throw a Hylian pinecone into fire, it explodes. 2. If you strap a rocket to a shield, it's awesome.

I located the Gazette, which is another favorite side quest, not least of which because it rewards you with sticky armor, which in turn thwarts my ancient nemesis rain. This is where you learn Zelda is apparently running around Hyrule doing weird shit, which is something that ought to be investigated. I found more designer armor, including an awesome Rito helm.

I had a rather disturbing conversation with a young Rito who told me they stuff pillows with Rito feathers. This is sort of like a human stuffing a pillow with their own hair. I appreciate these are trying times but seriously. What the fuck.

I forgot to take screenshots yesterday, so this old man is all you'll get.

I won some new-to-me gliding armor and promptly smashed into the ground because I couldn't figure out how to use it. 👍

Something I forgot to screenshot is the giant fairy refusing to come out unless she can hear music. To convince her you have to recruit the travelling troubadours, which is one of my favorite quests primarily because of their reaction to my terrible driving.

I continued exploring the Hebra Mountains area. This process is made easier if you have at least one piece of cold-weather armor, which indeed I do, but having 20 portable cookpots is also helpful. Almost every NPC along the way name-drops Rito Village, just to make sure I don't get confused and forget where I'm supposed to be going. There are moose here, which are not to be trifled with.

Crushed koroks: 0. Yesterday was a mixed bag. I did not crush any koroks, and gloom popped up in a cave and nailed my ass. I tried to make a cart for a horse I stole, which was a uniquely frustrating experience. I came across the "find the plushies" mini quest, and found everything about it Nintendo Annoying.

On the plus side, I discovered new things, including the courage trial in the sky. I met an Amazon. I discovered time bombs, a fascinating bit of Zonai tech I never knew existed. I also uncovered a "we're sorry shrine," which is a shrine that is such a pain in the ass to get to they simply hand you the treasure in apology.

The game nudges you to the Lindor's Brow tower, which is surrounded by a moat and stacks of building supplies. I decided to make an actual quality bridge. As you can see, that did not happen, but it was good enough to get me to the tower. Also... shakala!

Koroks crushed: 1. Yesterday I got a heart upgrade and finally followed the game's gentle nudging NE. The first time I played I brazenly went off the beaten path and died muchly, so it's interesting to actually play the game as N intended and experience a logical gameplay progression.

There is a big chungus, as my kid would say, on the bridge out. I thought I would set him on fire, but alas, it was not meant to be. Being crushed by this fine fellow is instant death at five hearts, so when I revived I shot him in the face with a dazzle arrow and ran away, as one does.

New Serenne Stable is an introduction to all things horsey, including the game's weirdly corporate stable network, and there are always a few easy-to-catch painted ponies in the field nearby so I grabbed my first horesey yay. We also meet the eccentric beetle guy, and this area has the first of my very favorite OUTFIT SHRINES. Finally, we're getting to the Good Shit.

The geoglyph quest unlocks flashbacks of Zelda, who went back in time. Not a fan of time travel, but finding the geoglyphs is fun. Oh, and if you're curious, Impa doesn't like it when you try to jump over her with your horse.

Crushed koroks: 2. I was stressed out yesterday but Zelda made it better. I'd forgotten I really hate dandelion koroks, and unfortunately, they are not even the most annoying type of korok, but I got to crush 2 others with rocks.

I stumbled upon Impa's man Cado in NE Hyrule, which is not where I expected him. If you follow Purah's advice, you might meet him in the NW region on your way to Rito. He points you in the direction of the geoglyph questline, and we all love geoglphys. (Other games with geoglyphs: Illusion of Gaia and the Xevious shmup series! Check it out!)

I was crushing koroks, building embarrassing "boats," and minding my own damn business when gloom hands came up out of nowhere and grabbed my ass. I have groused about the enemy design in this game before, but gloom hands are yonic perfection and peak creepiness. A+ would get grabbed again.