What Did We Play Yesterday?

It's that time of year! Busting out a new game in TOTK, a game I have terrible opinions on (look forward to that... or don't!). This time, instead of mapping all the areas and then getting utterly confused regarding Where I Have Been, I'm gonna focus on one section at a time. I plowed through the tutorial area as quickly as possible, trying whatever stupid ideas came to me. The stupidest was fusing a bunch of mine carts together trying to bridge a gap in the rails (did not work). The second stupidest was fusing a bunch of trees together so I could climb up to an area I was clearly supposed to reach another way (worked, score!).

As soon as I landed in the splash pool I snagged the glider and camera. Now I can engage in my favorite Zelda activities: exploring caves, collecting clothes, taking pictures of animals, and dropping rocks on koroks's heads.

There is a main plot to this game and it's okay, I guess, if you're into that. For me, the side quests are more interesting. But the main plot is that Zelda is gone! And you have to find her. But wait! There she is! What's going on? What's happening?! Purah points us in the direction of the regional newspaper which is actually not a bad strategy, and it is one of my favorite subplots. There are at least two rogue chefs spelunking in caves, and this also warrants investigation.

Crushed koroks: 2. There's an area west of the castle that has a bunch of birds nests and some gold apples, so I climbed every tree (yes I am that player) in pursuit. It's the little things in this game that truly charm me. There's a section of the island where two crows collect shiny objects. There's also a Battle Talus in this area and WOW, I really fucking hated that! I got my 4-heart ass out of there as quickly as possible. There's also a chasm but I'm not sure why you'd go down there because it sucks. If this adventure sounds boring, it's not, and no one asked you.

Crushed koroks: 2. I was stressed out yesterday but Zelda made it better. I'd forgotten I really hate dandelion koroks, and unfortunately, they are not even the most annoying type of korok, but I got to crush 2 others with rocks.

I stumbled upon Impa's man Cado in NE Hyrule, which is not where I expected him. If you follow Purah's advice, you might meet him in the NW region on your way to Rito. He points you in the direction of the geoglyph questline, and we all love geoglphys. (Other games with geoglyphs: Illusion of Gaia and the Xevious shmup series! Check it out!)

I was crushing koroks, building embarrassing "boats," and minding my own damn business when gloom hands came up out of nowhere and grabbed my ass. I have groused about the enemy design in this game before, but gloom hands are yonic perfection and peak creepiness. A+ would get grabbed again.

Koroks crushed: 1. Yesterday I got a heart upgrade and finally followed the game's gentle nudging NE. The first time I played I brazenly went off the beaten path and died muchly, so it's interesting to actually play the game as N intended and experience a logical gameplay progression.

There is a big chungus, as my kid would say, on the bridge out. I thought I would set him on fire, but alas, it was not meant to be. Being crushed by this fine fellow is instant death at five hearts, so when I revived I shot him in the face with a dazzle arrow and ran away, as one does.

New Serenne Stable is an introduction to all things horsey, including the game's weirdly corporate stable network, and there are always a few easy-to-catch painted ponies in the field nearby so I grabbed my first horesey yay. We also meet the eccentric beetle guy, and this area has the first of my very favorite OUTFIT SHRINES. Finally, we're getting to the Good Shit.

The geoglyph quest unlocks flashbacks of Zelda, who went back in time. Not a fan of time travel, but finding the geoglyphs is fun. Oh, and if you're curious, Impa doesn't like it when you try to jump over her with your horse.

Crushed koroks: 0. Yesterday was a mixed bag. I did not crush any koroks, and gloom popped up in a cave and nailed my ass. I tried to make a cart for a horse I stole, which was a uniquely frustrating experience. I came across the "find the plushies" mini quest, and found everything about it Nintendo Annoying.

On the plus side, I discovered new things, including the courage trial in the sky. I met an Amazon. I discovered time bombs, a fascinating bit of Zonai tech I never knew existed. I also uncovered a "we're sorry shrine," which is a shrine that is such a pain in the ass to get to they simply hand you the treasure in apology.

The game nudges you to the Lindor's Brow tower, which is surrounded by a moat and stacks of building supplies. I decided to make an actual quality bridge. As you can see, that did not happen, but it was good enough to get me to the tower. Also... shakala!

I forgot to take screenshots yesterday, so this old man is all you'll get.

I won some new-to-me gliding armor and promptly smashed into the ground because I couldn't figure out how to use it. 👍

Something I forgot to screenshot is the giant fairy refusing to come out unless she can hear music. To convince her you have to recruit the travelling troubadours, which is one of my favorite quests primarily because of their reaction to my terrible driving.

I continued exploring the Hebra Mountains area. This process is made easier if you have at least one piece of cold-weather armor, which indeed I do, but having 20 portable cookpots is also helpful. Almost every NPC along the way name-drops Rito Village, just to make sure I don't get confused and forget where I'm supposed to be going. There are moose here, which are not to be trifled with.

Crushed koroks: 3. Yesterday was extremely productive. Most importantly, I learned 2 new things. 1. If you throw a Hylian pinecone into fire, it explodes. 2. If you strap a rocket to a shield, it's awesome.

I located the Gazette, which is another favorite side quest, not least of which because it rewards you with sticky armor, which in turn thwarts my ancient nemesis rain. This is where you learn Zelda is apparently running around Hyrule doing weird shit, which is something that ought to be investigated. I found more designer armor, including an awesome Rito helm.

I had a rather disturbing conversation with a young Rito who told me they stuff pillows with Rito feathers. This is sort of like a human stuffing a pillow with their own hair. I appreciate these are trying times but seriously. What the fuck.

Koroks crushed: 1 apparently. I discovered a very cool mushroom cave. Then I decided I was going to actually "play the game" and "finish a main quest" or whatever. I kind of hated it, not gonna lie. The ark is undeniably cool and bouncing on the trampoline ships is fun, but getting up there was a major pain in the ass.

My insistence on scrounging for every possible arrow paid off, because I sure used a lot of them. I also used most of my stock of fire fruit before I realized you can actually dive into the weak spots on the boss's back, which is a lot more fun than trying to hit them with arrows and would have saved me a lot of trouble. As it was, I broke the last one that way.

Getting rid of the blizzard monster removes all the ice from the Hebra area, so I look forward to traipsing around refilling my fire fruit stock and discovering secrets. It also grants Link the ability to borrow the Rito kid's gust ability, which should help a lot when I need an extra little boost.

Crushed koroks: 1. I 👏 am 👏 tired 👏 of 👏 snow. I found a few things in Hebra but I am OUT until I gain hearts and stamina. Hate you Hebra. Hate you bear. Hate you moose. Hate you giant ass Talos thing that killed me in one hit.

Crushed koroks: 1, and this time I wasn't messing around. I'm now back to what I enjoy most in Zelda: running in grassy fields, picking mushrooms, and accidentally blowing myself up. (And a secret fourth thing: running from Gloom. This playthrough I seem to be encountering Gloom much more often than I'm used to.)

I found Kakariko village, where armor prices are sadly demoralizing considering at any given time I'm carrying about 200 rupees, each of which is hard-won. The plan was to hike down to the giant fairy near Dueling Peaks and get some much-needed upgrades for my armor, however...

The game's design issues are starting to get to me. The sage controls are tucked away on the key items screen, when they could have easily been included on the wheel instead of the arbitrary duplicate map button. Another attempt to build a vehicle resulted in a pathetic mess so bad I didn't even take a screenshot for lulz and I spent an unreasonable amount of time in a shrine trying to hit a plank of wood with a huge-ass bouncy ball. An unfortunate number of tasks require lining items up with a certain level of precision, a process which is usually fiddly even with the goop anchors to help.

Here's one of those opinions I warned you about. The modern Zelda games contain a lot of unnecessary tedium that can only be explained as Nintendo Being Like That. Control and gameplay issues that would have been noted within 30 minutes of testing persist through two flagship games, indicating they are intended features, and terrible-design-choices-that-serve-no-purpose-but-to-annoy-the-player are part of the overall design strategy.

Anyway, I'm not saying I hate modern Nintendo but I hate modern Nintendo and pirating Nintendo games is always morally correct. Have a fantastic holiday everyone.

I found a kinda spooky grove or cemetery or something, picked mushrooms, and decided to putter around the village for a while. I also died 5 times biting off enemies too big for me to chew. I'd like to get to the point where I can fell large enemies in some clever way rather than simply chunking tons of bombs at them, but right now that's the strategy.

I finally got around to fusing an axe and confirmed you can kill those mutant trees in one or two swings (before this, I was burning them, which took some time, and hacking them with a sword takes forever). I ran out of arrows and decided to try out the boomerang. The boomerang is a work in progress. I fused a keese eyeball hoping it would help with aim but unfortunately it does not work that way. I was also reminded you can electrocute everything in a pond, so I'm going to experiment with electricity next.

Crushed koroks: 1. I finally built a conveyance that actually works. I also went on a "wait where did I see milk before?" quest. (Turns out I didn't! Milk is in Hateno, which I haven't been to yet). So I'm headed in that general direction.

Yesterday's death was brought to us by an electric wizzrobe, which I assured my kid I could beat. Electric enemies do not have a particular weakness so I guess I'll just stab it a lot.

Yesterday was spent exploring strange new (wet) places. Yes, I killed the wizrobe. Inelegantly, but all that matters is I killed it, and I'm getting better at killing electric like-likes. I made it to Hateno. I'm not sure how I forgot about the mushroom fashion people, but I am delighted to be here (and to buy milk, yum).

Crushed Koroks: 1. I had a blast with this game over the past couple of days and it was a nice way to start my gaming new year. I wandered out of Hateno and found some cool caves, a really enjoyable message-in-a-bottle rescue mission, barbarian leggings, and bunch more koroks. The boat I built for the mission continued to serve me well as I explored the coast, and I found a few more caves as well as a bit of Zonai tech, frost emitters, which I'd completely forgotten about.

For some reason, it's very satisfying to don several layers of cold protection armor when it's extremely cold. Between purchased and found pieces, I have plenty to choose from.

I'm actually getting pretty good at killing Like-likes and avoiding getting electrocuted or frozen by keeses and other elemental types, but I continue to shy away from the "Big Chungus" Bobokins as my kid calls them. The memory of being murdered in one hit like 5 times in a row is still with me.

The coastal areas are among my favorites in this game. Soon-ish, I'll hopefully find the Zora kingdom and snag some swimming-boost armor so I can swim more freely. I've also got a decent stockpile of bubbul gems I'd like to spend whenever I find that guy.

Zelda was a series of nopes yesterday. Constructed items despawn, so I lost my boat and ended up crawling around in the tundra dying for a bit. I experimented with a double-fire emitter balloon platform with 2 rockets. Unfortunately, all it did was set me on fire, I didn't even go that high. Did you know there are Lynels in marshes? 😬 Surprise! While I was there I met a young lady who beats dubious food into submission. I'm not sure the resulting Monster Stew is really worth the hassle of trekking out there, but it looks like I can make my own with monster elixirs, too.

After I n a r r o w ly escaped some Surprise! Gloom! (Failed to catch a screenshot of the gloom hand just barely missing Link as he dove off the edge of the cliff to escape) I decided to go back to Hateno and fiddle with quests there for a bit.

Adventures in Zelda continue. I came to Hateno, I saw the fancy hat, I got the fancy hat. The Hateno mayoral race questline is pretty silly but in addition to the hat you get access to milk and cheese. As an aside, I really can't get over how weird Sophie looks and I'm glad I don't need to talk to her anymore. I've had a good time discovering all the Cece decor in various houses, but after I wrap up a few more quests I'm going to move on from Hateno. Cece sells guard armor that is currently to expensive for me, so I'll come back when I'm ready to buy it.

Everyone in this game is obsessed with Link and won't shut up about how hot he is, and I've decided to document this phenomenon. I'm not disputing it, but the constant commentary is a bit much. I headcanon Link as completely indifferent to sex. All he cares about is food, brushing Zelda's hair and watching her sleep, breaking pots, and horses. Canon backs me up 100%.

Many adventures were had in Zelda. I found the bubbul gem freaks, coaxed a giant fairy out of her bud and got some much-needed upgrades, gained another Horsey but had to abandon her by the road with apples for her trouble, and activated 2 sky towers. I was trying to avoid activating these too quickly, because last playthrough I got confusing regarding where I'd explored, but I think it will be okay. After activating the Eldin tower, it's easy to hit the sky islands followed by the Lanayru tower.

Anyway, along the way I acquired a new zonai tech, the hydrant, so landing in the slime-ridden Lanayru mountain area right after seemed serendipitous, even though there are plenty of splash fruits around.

Jirutagumac shrine, which centers around the worst zonai tech in the game, the glider, is a terrorist act. I finally got it but why can't the sky island shrines be sorry shrines? It's not like I didn't work to get there. Weh weh. So far, I've managed to beat every shrine I've encountered. As much as I hate to admit it, they have taught me some things about the game's mechanics. I still mostly hate them.

I found an item called Sage's Will I've never encountered before. I'm intrigued by it.

Finally wandered over to the Zora to get the much-needed Zora armor, which lets me travel up waterfalls. The setup is kind of weird if you do this differently than the devs anticipated. I spoke to Sidon, he sends me to Yona. Yona's like, why did he send you here? And sends me back to Sidon. Then Sidon sends me back to Yona.

Now that I can travel waterfalls, I'm able to better explore certain areas. I actually found a shrine I enjoyed, which is something. I also witnessed more Koltin despair. I will eventually wander back over to the Zora but for now I'm content to wander aimlessly picking mushrooms as God intended.

I really need to get back to crushing koroks. I've found plenty, just not conveniently located near rocks.

I continued to active Skytowers even though I'm allegedly not doing that, and I found another shrine I really enjoyed (rollercoaster action). I'm going to turn my exploration northerly, focus on foraging ingredients, and avoid the tropical southern areas for now.

"There is no shame in not knowing, for beyond that lies the joy of knowing. Tonight, I am the candlelight." Chef Aurie Taamu is a poet. I continue to be a big fan of this mysterious individual, who is referencing the glow properties of brightcaps and glowfish.

Crushed koroks: 1. Fucking finally. Spent the day traipsing about and saw a new cutscene. Who is that hot dude? jk I know who!

My plan to go fishing with a topaz scepter works great when I aim correctly, but hitting the water at the right angle usually takes a few tries, so I'll continue exploring different ways to electrocute fish.

I discovered the Zonai canon after I enticed a group of Zonai to attack a group of moblins to great effect. I also discovered the spring shield. I'm not sure why I keep getting surprised by Zonai item + shield combinations but each discovery has been a delight.

I still don't really get the whole food-poisoning quest, but I committed to the bit. It was raining, so I built a horrible shelter just so I could cook up some meat and rice.

Finally, I've been studiously marking giant enemies on my map as I avoid them. I tried to take on a Talos, but it almost killed me in one hit so clearly we're not there yet. I did resolve to start killing more common monsters, now that I have decent weapons, because I know some upgrades require guts and other monster parts.

The things I do for Hyrule.

Yesterday was a continuation of foot-loose and fancy-free exploring. I forgot to take screenshots, but the highlights include a piece of rubber armor and misadventures with Zonai time bombs. Turns out they explode pretty fast. Just in case you were curious.

Crushed koroks: 1

I was mucking around the plateau area minding my own damn business when gloom came at me and scared the bejeezus out of me. I fought to get to the safety of water... and it still came at me! I finally broke free and swam far enough where it couldn't reach me. 1) Need to figure out how to fight that, 2) it left these weird little... gloom clumps... behind, which I stuffed in my pocket for safekeeping, as adventurers do.

I'm thinking the Temple of Time area is probably a higher-level place, but I explored long enough to find a statue making weird requests about hidden eyeballs lost in chasms (totally not creepy) and decided to nope out for now. I did improve my tree-killing ability, since I was attacked by every damn tree in the forest up there.

I discovered a new cut scene, in which Zelda warns Rauru he will not defeat Ganon, who she has seen in her own future time. Sophia is apparently dead (!! 😔) and Rauru indicates he must atone for some mistake he's made. So I'll have to track down more geoglyphs to learn more. The geoglyphs is an optional side quest, so I'm assuming these cut scenes are extra details layered on what Link will learn from the Sages as he helps liberate the various kingdoms.

I encountered the first bubbul gem cave I could not lick in Pikida Stonegrove Northwest Cave so I looked it up. The frog is hidden in an air-gust corridor with a Like-like, behind a rock wall. It's a good hiding place, because I couldn't hear it at all. I guess I gotta go back for it (boo).

Yesterday I ventured into South Tabantha seeking the next member of the musician troupe, so I can entice yet another great fairy out of her bud. Getting this guy out of a pit is always a hot mess, but I managed it. I figured out you can cut the grasses here to find wheat (and lots of hot-footed frogs). I don't think I explored this area very thoroughly the last time I played, which is a shame, because the landscape is cool.

I farted around a bit with that giant labyrinth outside the snowfields and concluded I need to be stronger. While I was in the area, I hit up the Sky Tower at Thyphlo Ruins. I think I've had my fill of wandering and exploring for now.

I've actually really enjoyed having the little bird dude's spirit alongside me. I think he scares away bugs sometimes (?), but it's good to have a friend. Zelda games can be a little lonely. Next on the agenda is to head back to Zora territory to see if I can help with the sludge crisis, so I can have a second friend.

Crushed koroks: 2.

After some much needed armor blessings I got into the Zora sky dungeon. There is a lot of back and forth at the beginning as Link ping-pongs between various NPCs, doing whatever needs to be done to unlock access, and the dialogue is fairly tedious, as has been typical with this game. But from the start this temple is already different (there is a gravity change, and you use water bubbles to navigate between platforms), and I'm hoping fighting alongside Sidon, the Zora prince who is evidently Link's Official BFF, will help pick up the pace.

Turns out the Zora water dungeon is very fun. Unfortunately, Sidon scampers off early on, but the gravity change and water bubble navigation keep things interesting. Clearing out sludge is satisfying, as is swimming up waterfalls. Considering how epic the arc was, I expect there to be something equally epic when Sidon and I rejoin forces. Hopefully I will remember to take screenshots that next time.

The boss of the water temple, the Muckterror, is a terrorist. An absolute little shit. It was one of the most annoying boss fights I've ever dealt with in recent memory. This little bastard shoots slime all over the place, and flips and flops everywhere, and belongs in jail. I initially put a hydrant on a homing device so it would clean things up for me, but it was far more effective to strap a hydrant to my shield and charge the damn thing. I'm torn between despising what I was put through and appreciating that they did something radically different for this boss.

Liberating the water temple earns us Sidon's water bubble power, as well as his undying devotion, which I'm pretty sure Link already had... 👀

Back when BOTW came out, I heard people shipped Link/Sidon and I was like, "Ok, you kids have fun." Now, as I explore the Zora's domain in TOTK, I increasingly 👀 have Thoughts.

1. Sidon is HUGE. The size difference is sending me.
2. Sidon is objectively hot, not up for debate.
3. Link evidently has a special relationship and history with the Zora. Multiple characters have commented on knowing him as a child, or giving him childhood nicknames and so forth.
4. Sidon's sister Mipha was in love with Link, and unless I completely misunderstood this is explicitly canon. (Whereas Link being romantically in love with anyone is nebulous by design and you could see it different ways).
5. Everyone, including Sidon, refers to Link as the Prince's very best friend, and so on.
6. Evidently Sidon will not shut the fuck up about Link.
7. There's a statue of Link riding Sidon's back in the town square, essentially, and the thought of them posing for this statue is sending me again.

When you initially arrive at the domain and talk to Yona, she's like, "Surprise, I'm your best friend's fiance!" and -- knowing very little about any of this -- I truly had a moment, because there's so much you can do with a setup like that.

Anyway, my point is I get it now. The youth were correct, as usual.

I didn't have much time to play yesterday, but I managed to squeeze in a few minutes. Ending the sludge frees the Zora up to give Link quests, and I have snatched all those up, but my primary goal is completing the Zora armor. The Zora helm is hidden back at the Sky Fish, in an interior room you can't easily see unless you're bouncing around on floating rocks trying to figure out where a helm might be hidden.

Yona, kind soul that she is, is trying to give Link the armor as a gift but can't find the last part, the greaves. Link is directed to the waterworks, which is where the boss battle took place in the previous game. You're supposed to build a boat here, but I found the swim boost granted by the helm and the chest was enough to get me across the reservoir and into a cave helpfully pointed out to me by a Zora who says he found glowing blue stones there.

I was very eager to explore this cave, but my kid, who was supposed to be getting ready for bed, was understandably distracted by my adventures so I turned the game off for now. Very looking forward to exploring this area over the weekend.

Don't mind me, just screencapping every dialogue that confirms Sidon and Link are secretly married.

I found the greaves back at the waterworks. There's so much back and forth in this area. Evidently you can't get the greaves the first time you're in the waterworks, you have to wait until you've completed the water temple.

In any case, having secured a full set of Zora armor and Sidon's undying love, it is time to move on for now. Link's lookin' good in his new duds and can swim 3 times as fast, as well as perform other aquatic operations.

Crushed koroks: 4

I've mostly been running around taking care of business southerly as I worked my way toward Faron to complete the last Great Fairy quest. I've reached the point where I can't upgrade any of my armors (booo) so I need to get more diligent about collecting things and killing things. I want a big ole list of ingredients I need, but I don't want spoilers like armor names. Fortunately a kind Redditor has made such a list.

I'm in the process of smooshing everything together but frankly? This list is extremely rude. On the one hand, it justifies my pathological insistence on grabbing up every flint and random mushroom I see. On the other hand, how dare they. I had this idea I'd collect all the armors and upgrade them "for fun" but 665 amber total? That's a lot of rock busting. I'm just sayin.

I don't think I've ever actually seen a satori, but I got the chance when I made an offering at a cherry blossom tree. I also unlocked the fourth fairy, and traveled up Mount Doom to get the fire armor. Unfortunately, I kind of hate the Eldin Canyon region for reasons I can't entirely articulate, but the Mount Doom areas are consistently my least favorite to explore. In this game, the roast-obsessed Gorons freak me out, and the landscape tends to be pretty desolate and unfun to traverse. It's just a big blugh all around.

I also made an armor upgrade ingredient list csv and it is quite awful. I think it encapsulates one of the problems I have with both TOTK and BOTW, which is that there is Simply Too Much Stuff. Nintendo designed a 200+ hour game and I'm not a 200+ hour game guy at all. I never have been, but my willingness to pour hours into these types of games has decreased as I get older.

Thus, my fire for Zelda wanes. According to Backloggd I've been playing about 5 weeks, and I consistently get Zelda fatigue after about a month or so, so this is more or less on schedule. I'm not sure exactly how long I played, since Nintendo refuses to be forthcoming about such things, but it's 60+ hours which tends to be the upper limit of what I'm willing to spend on an open world game. In the past, I've had difficulty returning to these games without starting fresh, but I'm hoping this here blog slaps hood will make it easier to jump back in if and when I return to it.

It's tough for me to gauge exactly how much I've accomplished, but my loading screen lists 52/152 shrines, 91/1000 koroks found, and I've got 14/40 hearts and nearly a second stamina wheel, and completed 2/4 (I think?) temples. So I've completed somewhere between a third and half of the game, which is much farther than my other playthrough. I think blogging helped me play as long as I did, because it was easier to remember where I'd been and what I'd seen.

I definitely enjoyed it more this time, but modern Zelda games are still a very mixed bag for me.